Clint Barton and the Scary, Hairy Larry
by tr1xx777
Summary: Tony is gone for the week, leaving Clint the duty of making Peppers life a living hell. But if anyone truly knew Clint, they'd know that he takes things a little too far sometimes. And if anyone knew Pepper, they'd know she gets a little crazy when it comes to revenge. This means war.
1. Chapter 1

"CLINT MOTHERFUCKING BARTON, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Pepper Potz screamed as she stormed out of the bathroom, only having a towel wrapped around her thin body and another to cover her red hair, or lack of.

Clint snickered as he watched Pepper scream his name some more as he sat comfortably on a chandeleir, because he's a ninja like that. Tony was gone for the week and he had officially given Clint the duty of making his girlfriends life a living hell. Let's just say Clint takes things a little too far sometimes, especially when it means humiliating someone, very, _very _publicly.

Clint felt the chandeleir sway slightly and he nodded his head to acnowledge his partner, Natasha Romanoff. "What did you do this time?" Natasha sighed, Tony had only been gone for one hour and Clint had already filled Peppers cereal with strawberry's. The same kind of strawberry's that Pepper is deathly allergic to. Needless to say, the first hour of Tony's absence was not a pleasant one.

"Filled Pepper's shampoo with hair removal cream and added Bruce's weird hair growth expirement into her shaving cream." Cint chuckled. Natasha rolled her eyes before looking back down at Pepper who was still stomping around like a angry kindergarten kid.

"Her legs don't look that hai- oh, there it is..." Natasha trailed off as they watched hair sprout like daisies on Peppers legs. Pepper, herself, didn't seem to notice the hair and kept on storming around looking for Clint.

Thor walked in, talking to Steve and when they saw Pepper, they both stopped abruptly. Thor was the first one to speak, "Pepper Potz, you look like a Bzarledar! I've never seen a woman look so... disgusting!"

Peppers jaw dropped and a vein in her forehead popped out. "Thor Odinson, take that back or I swear that when you aren't looking, I will bejewel your hammer and dye your hair pink."

Thor slowly backed away until he was far enough away to sprint off, screaming about his precious hammer. Steve was still in shock and was continueing to stare at Peppers 'lovely' legs.

"P-Pepper, you may have something on your legs." Captain stuttered.

The woman slowly looked down and gasped. Then she started screaming... a lot. Clint almost rolled off the chandelier, he was laughing so hard.

Pepper heard his laughter and looked up, knocking the towel off her head in the process, making Steves eyes widen even more. Captain America took that time to leave before he saw anything else that he didn't want to. He was ready to wash his eyes with soap at the moment.

"Clint Barton, get down here right now!" Pepper said through gritted teeth and Clint grinned and shook his head wildly. "NOW!"

"NO! I don't want to be eaten by the scary, hairy lady... heh, that rhymed. You should change your name to Larry so I can call you scary hairy Larry. Whatever, I'm going to call you that from now on, anyway." Clints said, swinging upside down the chandeleir like a monkey.

"That's my cue to leave." Natasha muttered and jumped off the chandeleir to Odin knows where.

"Clint Francis Barton, I will get you back if it's the last thing I do!" Pepper screamed and stomped her foot. Clint took that as his cue to finally jump down from the chandeleir, ninja style, and land gracefully in front of Pepper.

"Scary, hairy Larry... This means war." And with that, Clint did some sick assasin move, and disappeared.

**Okay, um... I was really bored... Like ****_really_****bored. So this is what I come up with when I'm bored.**


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting on the chandeleir, Clint scrolled down his Facebook page and stopped when he came up on Peppers post. The little devil hadn't even declared her need for vengeance an hour ago and was already taking action.

_Congratulations, Clint on finally becoming a woman, I know you've been planning this for so long! Best of luck, Candice!_

"Oh, it's on, Pepper, it's on." Clint muttered as he deleted the post and logged out of Facebook. He wasn't in the mood for notifications raping his computer about how he got a sex change.

It wasn't even an original idea! She should have said ''Congratulations on your baby,' then everyone would think Natasha was preggers, since everyone seemed to think they were together anyway. Which they weren't. That'd just be weird, Clint would probably date Thor before Natasha.

Not saying that she was ugly or anything, it would just be weird because they've been partners for so long and-

"Shut up brain, you're ruining my concentration!" Clint yelled to his mind just as Bruce passed by from down below. He gave Clint a weirded out look and picked up his pace.

Now fully concentrated, Clint clicked the some random stuff until he got to a document that so discretely labeled 'Peppers presentation.' An evil smile crossed his face as he began to meddle. This would be fun.

* * *

"And now you can clearly see that profits have gone up since then." Pepper smiled at the ten other people sitting at the long desk. She had wrapped a scarf thing around her head and opted for long dress pants instead of her usual dress, when she attended the meeting. This was an _extremely _important meeting and Pepper didn't want to scare everyone off by her sasquatch legs. "And here's a little video to show how well Stark Enterprises has been doing."

Pepper pressed a button on her IPad thing and turned to the screen behind her, to watch the video play.

_Stark Enterprises. A name familiar throughout the world, and who is the man who runs this company? None other than-_

The video phased out and Pepper frowned. That had never happened to her before, unless Tony hacked it of course, but Tony was away on a business trip and the only other person evil enough to do anything was- SHIT!

_PEPPER POTZ! _Large red letters appeared on the screen as it showed Pepper standing in very, _very _short pajama shorts and singing to herself in the mirror.

"_I broke it off thinking you'd be crying, now I feel like shh, looking at you flying! I want you back, I want you back, I want you, want you back! UH!"_ Video Pepper sang.

The other people in the room howled with laughter as Pepper pressed all the buttons she could to get it to stop. Nothing worked. Finally, Pepper gave up, and smashed the IPad into the TV behind her.

"Thank you for your consideration."

Pepper sighed as she scurried out of the room. She didn't just embarrass herself through a TV screen but she had also managed to quote Hunger Games as well.

On the topic of Hunger Games, Pepper was ready to beat Katniss' ass. Pepper style.

* * *

"And then I switched it with a video of her singing Cher Lloyd!" Clint laughed and Natasha rolled her eyes. She had been listening to stories that Clint had been telling about how he had messed with Potz all day and so far, she hadn't seen any signs that Pepper had gotten back at him. Well other than the she-man thing but that was amatuer.

Clint squirted some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and before Tash could warn him about the odd color, he shoved it in his mouth. He spit it out immediately.

"What the hell is that?" Clint yelled and Pepper appeared at the doorway, grinning wildly.

"Tony has this nice build-up in his arc reacter. I'm not really sure what happens if you put it in your mouth." Pepper shrugged and sauntered away. She had since shaved her legs with new shaving cream and used Bruce's growth syrum on her head so she was finally back to looking normal. "You might want to see a doctor about it though."

"Ew! I brushed my teeth with Tony heart!" Clint spat and shoved his mouth under the faucet of running water. The water was rushing out so fast that he couldn't even hear Pepper call back to him.

"Oh, and I also added enough itching powder to the water system that it would really mess you up if you, oh, I don't know, tried to wash out your mouth with it."

Natasha grinned as she left Clint in the bathroom. This would be a very interesting week.

**I'm just saying now that all of the chapters will be pretty short. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

Clint hadn't gotten any pranks from Pepper all afternoon, other than the time she payed an assistant to pretend she was giving birth and Clint had to help deliver the baby, but other than that, nothing much happened and the marksman was starting to get worried.

They were at war! She must be planning something big, like... filling Clints bedroom with anthrax or blasting One Direction - which everyone except Clint seemed to love- all over Stark tower. It was weird, one dinner, the Avengers had a conversation talking about Harry Styles and carrots or something. Then they all started talking british.

_She'd definately planning something. I just have to keep my hawk eyes out. _Clint chuckled at his own little mental joke. H_eh, because my code name is Hawkeye and I said 'I have to keep my _hawk _eyes out._ It was a lot funnier in his mind.

_There isn't a better place to keep watch than my trusty old chandeleir. _Clint grinned as he started running down the hall. He had to pick up speed to be able to make the jump to the chandeleir or he'd fall... and probably break his neck or something.

Clint leapt off the railing and landed on the chandeleir. He let out a terrified scream as the chandeleir swung forward before there was a sickening snap and the large ornament, along with Clint, crashed to the floor. But like the ninja he is, Clint did a roll and didn't die like he was supposed to.

Clint looked up when he heard laughter to see Pepper laughing her ass off. Suddenly, he grew really, really angry. Almost Hulk angry. "What the fuck? You could have killed me!" he shouted but Pepper only laughed harder.

"Oh right, you mean like the time you put rat poison in my chocolate milk? You're pretty lucky I didn't drink that!" Pepper snorted and Clint jumped to his feet.

"I knew you weren't going to drink it! Scary, Hairy Larry's don't drink _milk!_ What kind of sick world do you live in where Larry's drink milk?" Clint yelled back. "Oh, it's on now! This," he motioned between the two of them, "Isn't just pranks. I'm going to kill you, Larry, if it's the last thing I do."

With that, Clint stormed away, leaving Pepper to wonder if she really should have rigged the stupid chandeleir.

* * *

"Clint, don't you think you're going a little too far? I mean, it's her feet we're talking about." Natasha said as she watched Clint set up piano wire at the bottom of the steep hill. His plan was to kidnap Pepper, duct tape her to a scateboard and send her down the hill so she either wipes out and breaks a limb, or goes through the wire and loses her feet.

"They'll heal." Clint shrugged as he finished, he had already asked JARVIS to hit Pepper until she was knocked out. Of course it was a little harder than he expected to get the robot to do so, but he convinced it when he told JARVIS that he would blow up Stark towers - with Pepper in it - if it didn't do what he wanted. JARVIS chose the lesser of the two evils.

Clint sprinted back up the hill and climbed up a fire escape before jumping from house to house until he was back at the tower. He smashed through a window, into the kitchen and already saw Pepper laying unconscious on the ground.

Clint picked her up and raced back to the steep hill and set the redhead down at the top and took out a roll of shiny silver tape before taping Peppers feet to his old scateboard. He couldn't wait until Pepper lost her feet or something along those lines! That would teach her to mess with his chandeleir.

"Wha- where am I?" Pepper mumbled as she tried to stand up but realized that she was attached to a scateboard. She looked up to see Hawkeye grinning like a maniac.

"There's piano wire at the bottom of the hill, you either crash or lose your feet, your choice." he said and Peppers eyes widened in horror.

"What? No, Clint! You're taking this whole prank thing a little too far!" Pepper screamed as she struggled to get away from Clint who was setting her up for her death.

"There's no such thing as too far for an assasin." Clint announced as he shoved Pepper doen the hill as the redhead screamed in terror.

The bottom was coming closer and Pepper was scared out of her wits! She had to choose between two, lose her feet or possibly die, feet, die?

With unatural talent, Pepper leaned back on the board and Clint watched in amazement and disappointment as Pepper sailed through the air, passed the wire, and landed perfectly at the bottom.

The redhead looked back up the hill in rage and Clint shrunk back a bit. He was a dead man.


End file.
